Some writers of ripe fiction tend to keep their work carefully segregated away from other areas of their lives, so that there isn’t messy and embarrassing bleed-over. I don’t do that. In my recent post about – something I can’t remember, I said that everything should be erotica. Well it should be. Including this Operating Instruction Manual for the Panasonic HEPA logic air purifier. If you get even slightly aroused reading this, I win.
Maintenance
To disconnect the unit, firmly grasp the thick, hard plug and give it a good tug to separate the stiff prongs from the slots they’ve buried themselves in so very deeply. There may be some sparking as the two surfaces once joined in electric communion are parted, so do take care not to become a conductor of the current yourself. You are not built to handle this kind of electric power, your flesh is too tender, your humanity is all too frail.
And yet you are the undisputed master of this appliance and its chosen mate, the submissive little hole in the wall that accepts anything with a hard prong. You are the force that thrusts the plug into the yearning socket, filling all its holes at once with little to no regard for its feelings. It is yours after all. Yours to use as you see fit. Maybe you’ll slide the prongs in slowly, allowing the perfectly molded plastic mounting to adjust to the intrusion. Maybe you’ll shove it in roughly and yank it out again with enough force to send those rare flashes of light dancing through the spaces between the two charged surfaces. You’ll perhaps feel sadistic, but then you’ll realize that Model EH3012 wants it. It wants to be used. It exists only to be used.
When you’ve finally stopped teasing and achieved full penetration, flick that saucy little red switch right in the center. The results will be instantaneous as Model EH3012 comes to life, purring like a kitten beneath your knowledgeable fingertips. At first it might seem aloof, indifferent to your touch as you caress the molded dials, urging it towards its peak. But after a time, you’ll see the moisture in its most secret of crevices as it grows steadily wetter and warmer, droplets of moisture coursing down the finely shaped fins as it services you in the most intimate way possible, purifying the air you breathe.
Next time, how to clean the dirty filter. Suffice to say, it’s a very, very dirty little filter indeed…
