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I knew there was a reason I love this game… I just crashed in on a business man getting his ass paddled by a dominatrix.

Oh, and is that a fucking machine? Yes, yes it is. (Again, click to see the image full size.)

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From the game Saint’s Row III. In the first round of ‘Whored’ mode, you go about beating people with a giant purple dildo. In the second round, you must fight off hordes of baddies wearing gimp suits and wielding their own dangerous dildos.

And they say video games aren’t art.

I have a (possibly incorrect) feeling most of my readers aren’t big gamers, but Deus Ex, an Action RPG came out today with possibly the sexiest and toppiest looking protagonist this author has seen in recent times. He’s made of pixels, but admit it, you’d do him. (Especially you beard lovers, you know who you are.) He rather puts me in mind of Savage, from Military Discipline, a series now running on Bethany’s Woodshed, currently at 64,000 words with no end in sight.

Kink is everywhere and is especially latent in the role playing games that were coming out of Japan prior to the coming of the new millennium. I looked at Impa from the Zelda franchise a wee while ago, and today it’s Edea’s turn. From the world of Final Fantasy 8, Sorceress Edea is a boss (quite literally in the gaming sense.) In fact, she’s the dominant figure in the game, a powerful woman who turns the ego and lust of the younger males to her own ends.

Edea is a very unique character for many reasons. For one, she isn’t a giggling fool and her general badassery is not tempered by the usual video game style epic breasts that would ensure chronic back ache. She is a villain, albeit a reluctant one. She’s under the control of an even more powerful sorceress for much of the game, but even without the possession through time story element, Edea balances a maternal role with power broking in a way that is frankly inspiring. Of course when she’s bad, she’s very bad indeed. The video below is taken from Edea’s triumphant parade in which she takes control of the hapless protagonist’s would be girlfriend and subsequently impales him. Is there perhaps some subtext there? Damn straight there is.

(Just in case you were curious, the blond with the wicked grin is Siefer, more on him perhaps another time, he’s a domineering bad egg with a strong romantic streak that leds him astray. He’s another archetype that would fit nicely into almost any romance novel.)

You can find the intro to Final Fantasy 8 is after the jump. It has no relevance here, but I love it. It’s hard to believe that this game was released in 1999, over a decade ago. There are very few games with the story telling prowess of the early Final Fantasy series around these days and I for one can’t wait ’til we get back to the concept of video games as stories to be explored. We have some amazing gaming days ahead of us with games that are yet to be made.
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One of my favorite characters in the Zelda series was this woman, Impa. She’s Princess Zelda’s personal bodyguard in Ocarina of Time, and although you never really see it, I’m convinced that she’s full of bad assery.

It’s just a pity that her role in the story is incredibly limited, consisting largely of teaching you a lullaby and then sending you up the rather dodgy sounding ‘Death Mountain’.

Still. There is hotness in them there pixels and I reckon there just *has* to be a spanking fan fic somewhere in all of this.